Methodists, and a dream

As I waited for longer than I wanted to for the 450 bus from Salem to Haymarket this morning, I noticed that the Wesley Church across the street from me had a sign advertising who was going to be giving the sermon Sunday morning at the 9:45 AM service:

PREACHING
JACK
LOMBARDO

As I pondered it more and more, having little else to do, it seemed to me like a nickname: Preaching Jack Lombardo.

For instance:

"Yeah, I've heard of Preachin' Jack. But he ain't been seen in these parts since I was knee-high to a grasshopper."

or

"Laaadiees and gentlemen! The heavyweight cham-peeen of the world: Preaching! ... Jack! ... LomBAAARRRdo!!!"

Anyway.

I dreamed last night that I was at an ice skating rink with my youngest stepbrother, and that while I was there a couple unwelcome ex-girlfriends kept calling me up on my cellphone, to my extreme irritation. Incidentally, my friend Spex worked at the skating rink as an overzealous security guy, who would pull a gun on kids whenever they did something unsafe.

Gravity

Albert Einstein, who formulated basic theories about space, time and relativity, had assumed that gravity moved with the speed of light, about 186,000 miles (300,000 kilometers) per second, "but until now, no one had measured it," said Kopeikin.

That's just stupid. Turn on a flashlight and drop a spoon or something at the same time and see whether the light or the spoon hits the ground first.

Fools.

I will show them all.

On a more serious note...

I'm alarmed at threats to civil liberties in the name of the war on terrorism, but really, screening suitcases for bombs isn't one of them, you stupid fucks.