quislibet | hostage crisis

Republican parent: I've decided that alimony is too high, so instead my associates and I are going to shoot little Timmy unless you give us at least two million dollars and a pony.

Democratic parent: Holy crap! Okay, look, Here's four million, but I can't do the pony thing. Please don't shoot Timmy; that would be awful.

Republican parent: The pony's a dealbreaker; we've all signed a pledge. Wait a minute, the other kidnappers are saying we also want to be able to kidnap Timmy again in a few months. Ball's in your court.

Democratic parent: There's no way I can accept that! Here's two million and a pony after all; don't hurt our kid.

Republican parent: No, it's a million now, and another crack at Timmy in six months for a few more million because we know you'll pay it, and -- wait. The other kidnappers also want us to have permanent custody.

Democratic parent: Wait, seriously?

Republican parent: Do you really want Timmy to get shot? Time for someone around here to be a responsible parent! [Aside to onlookers] Don't worry; we think shooting Timmy would actually rebalance his humours.

Onlookers: What terrible parents they both are!