In the spirit of McSweeney's
Sep. 4th, 2002 12:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quislibetI bring you "Real quotations from World of Darkness RPG character backgrounds found online, copied-and-pasted for your entertainment"
The lost Assamite was none other than the great Sir Lancealot.
The King of Japan soon called upon him to be his personal body guard.
Now convinced that she is only the beast, the wonderful rage of Brujah, and the undying presence of evil dankness snarling hungrily in the shadows with no shame.
Soon the indians noticed that I only wandered at night and as the other squaws got older and slower, I was as I was when they first saw me.
And so began her tailspin into Darkness.
At the tender age of twelve years old, Doyle became barred from the fights when he killed an opponent. [...] The local mafia decided that they wanted and possibly needed Doyle as a killer for hire.
Tathria is also a slave, but a liberated one. She is married to her one time master Thomas and she is deeply in love with him. She has also attempted suicide once due to a problem out of character, we had a misunderstanding.
Each time his hand slapped her flesh, each time he took her innocence from her, each time he lashed her delicate skin with the leather strap, each time she learned to protect her soul. That was something he could never touch, have or defile. She saved her soul for knowledge.
Vielleicht kennt der Leser Sid Vicious? Er war Bassist der 'Sex Pistols', mein 'Kind' - und für mich eine ganz persönliche zwischenvampirische Tragödie.
In 1976, Chavez decided to move the majority of his ranch to Owensboro, Kentucky, thinking it a wise decision to be near the Kentucky Derby.
Since she had scored so high o her aptitiude tests,(35 on her ACT, 1589 on her SAT, and 99 on her Military Entrance Exam), she was accepted immediately into NMU.
She has a small cult following of like-minded pyromaniacs who don't truly understand what she is, but they believe that her fire has helped her achieve another level of being.
She possess deep aquatic blue eyes that reveal her childhood passion for swimming while at the same time conveying a powerful lust for killing.
He walks with the saunter of a stocky body-builder, arms forced away from his side's because of his gigantic shoulders, biceps, and pecs.
J is incredibly good looking and could easily be a male model if he so desired.
Moira has long dark red hair, slightly wavy and very beautiful.
Gabriella is beautiful, but totally unaware of the fact.
She was once every mans wet dream, a sexy, stupid woman with a beautiful voice, and now she's nothing more than a nightmare.
----
I recommend also reading this.
The lost Assamite was none other than the great Sir Lancealot.
The King of Japan soon called upon him to be his personal body guard.
Now convinced that she is only the beast, the wonderful rage of Brujah, and the undying presence of evil dankness snarling hungrily in the shadows with no shame.
Soon the indians noticed that I only wandered at night and as the other squaws got older and slower, I was as I was when they first saw me.
And so began her tailspin into Darkness.
At the tender age of twelve years old, Doyle became barred from the fights when he killed an opponent. [...] The local mafia decided that they wanted and possibly needed Doyle as a killer for hire.
Tathria is also a slave, but a liberated one. She is married to her one time master Thomas and she is deeply in love with him. She has also attempted suicide once due to a problem out of character, we had a misunderstanding.
Each time his hand slapped her flesh, each time he took her innocence from her, each time he lashed her delicate skin with the leather strap, each time she learned to protect her soul. That was something he could never touch, have or defile. She saved her soul for knowledge.
Vielleicht kennt der Leser Sid Vicious? Er war Bassist der 'Sex Pistols', mein 'Kind' - und für mich eine ganz persönliche zwischenvampirische Tragödie.
In 1976, Chavez decided to move the majority of his ranch to Owensboro, Kentucky, thinking it a wise decision to be near the Kentucky Derby.
Since she had scored so high o her aptitiude tests,(35 on her ACT, 1589 on her SAT, and 99 on her Military Entrance Exam), she was accepted immediately into NMU.
She has a small cult following of like-minded pyromaniacs who don't truly understand what she is, but they believe that her fire has helped her achieve another level of being.
She possess deep aquatic blue eyes that reveal her childhood passion for swimming while at the same time conveying a powerful lust for killing.
He walks with the saunter of a stocky body-builder, arms forced away from his side's because of his gigantic shoulders, biceps, and pecs.
J is incredibly good looking and could easily be a male model if he so desired.
Moira has long dark red hair, slightly wavy and very beautiful.
Gabriella is beautiful, but totally unaware of the fact.
She was once every mans wet dream, a sexy, stupid woman with a beautiful voice, and now she's nothing more than a nightmare.
----
I recommend also reading this.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-09-04 09:28 am (UTC)Man
Date: 2002-09-04 10:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-04 10:57 am (UTC)I suppose that's just too easy.
Not like you, of course.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-04 11:01 am (UTC)Oh, wait. I suppose there are no such resumés, so I guess it's anything goes.
Re: Man
Date: 2002-09-04 11:03 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-09-04 11:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-04 12:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-04 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-09-05 07:32 am (UTC)"Johnson, let's interview this man; he says he wears his hair in a ponytail, and I can respect that. And call the Green Berets and ask them if can recommend hiring one of their dead guys from Vietnam."
Name: Alexander Raenoun (Duke of Agun)
Age: 21 (156) Clan: Caitiff
Hair: Dark Brown (Generally tied into a ponytail)
Eyes: Sea Green
Height: 6'10"
Weight: 300lbs. (2% Body Fat)
Past Employment Records:
5 Years. (1946 - 1951) FBI, Clan Toreador (Boston Duty)
3 Yrs. (1951 - 1954) Worked in the Korean War stealing Documents from the North Koreans for the US Government as "Jacob Turlo"
(Hired - Clan Ventrue to gain information on the tactical strength of the Oriental Clans)
9 Yrs. (1954 - 1963) MI5 Operative in Communist Russia - "Robert Marion"
(Hired by the Camarilla itself to gather information about Tzimisce ops. in the area and incite instability among Sabbat Caitiff - Wrote an essay entitled: Panders... A Useful Tool?)
4 Yrs. (1963 - 1967) Joined Green Berets as Eugene Toro, served four years Vietnam, High honors, before supposedly killed in action against the Viet Kong.
Hired by Clan Toreador to assasinate various Toreador Antitribu hiding in Vietnam
1 Yr. (1967 - 1968) No appearances. Assasinations of Tremere Antitribu for the Clan Tremere, as well as recovery of two "unknown" texts, subsequent betrayal and capture by aforementioned Clan, as well as escape.
17 Yrs. (1968 - 1985) Various classified efforts on behalf of Clan Toreador
(information gathering and subversion)
10 Yrs (1985 - 1995) Posing as famous(and well-loved) art and jewelry collector, steals numerous pieces of rare art and multiple jewels from private and public sources.
(No hirings, activity amongst Clans Ventrue, Toreador, Ravnos, Malkavian and Tremere. Wrote "A Manifesto of Survival," a guide for Caitiff neonates without sires.)
1 Yr. (1995 - 1996) Worked for the FBI in New York as freelance agent "Oren Anadi", investigation of serial murder cases.
(Espionage agaisnt the Sabbat of New York for the Camarilla, gathering of census, strengths and weaknesses of Sabbat in the city, as well as tactical information about various locations in the city)
January 5, 1996 - Present (Yesterday) No activity. (Taking it easy for a while until I feel like getting back to it.)
References
FBI, NSA, US Gov., Green Berets, MI5, S-2/S-1/S-4 (US Army Intelligence, Admin and Supply.) records for various names assumed while Masquerading.
Kindred References
Clans Toreador, Ventrue, Ravnos, Gangrel and possibly Tremere.
That's my resume. I'm good at what I do.
Meet my price, and I'll work for you.[signed]
Alexander Raenoun
I guess he thought that last was too uppity for a resumé directed to the Prince.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 05:42 pm (UTC)A character loving cats and having a cats eye ring so that his cat-loving master gives him access to a magical library despite the fact that he didn't have library on the sheet anywhere. Having "physical trait throwing x3" (and aerodynamic throwing cats?). Keeping a goldfish in a jar with him in case he need to use "Jail of Water"
Proposals for Highlanders
A young republican proposing a ventrue character that wanders the docklands in plate mail, slinging a broadsword, killing the homeless because he hates poor people (and took the flaw at maximum). Oh, and his sire was the guy who came up with aparthide and he had "tenebration: the power to generate and control sunlight"
Good times, people. Good times.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 06:12 pm (UTC)Who played him?
no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 06:13 pm (UTC)I think Drew hit him with a rolled up magazine for that one.